Saturday, May 12, 2018

Taking Steps

When I was about 3 months pregnant with Baylor, barely even showing a bump, my brother in law's father approached Christian and I at a Thanksgiving party and said that he had a word for us.  Keep in mind that this is someone we see maybe once or twice a year, someone who barely knows us. He is a pastor and a faithful man who loves the Lord with all his heart.  He told us that the Lord told him that Christian and I were being called in the ministry of something having to do with special needs children. He said that he believed that in our future, somehow or someway, we would deal with children with disabilities.   At the time, Christian and I smiled politely and thanked him for his words...we weren't really sure what the heck that meant!  We had never, ever considered or even had it cross our minds...special needs was so far off our radar.  I never even once considered that the child I was carrying at that exact moment would have any disabilities or challenges.  We totally just took that moment for granted and moved on.  

Fast forward to about 6 months later when we have a preemie with health issues and it becomes clear to me that Baylor is different.  I begin to think back to that word from Mr. Steve, but again I tuck it far away.  To be honest, special needs children in general has always made me uncomfortable.  It is not something that anyone really knows how to deal with and even when I just see a child who is different, I usually just smile and move on quickly.  It's just human nature...different makes us uncomfortable.  

At 10 months old, I absolutely knew Baylor had something wrong.  Call it mother's intuition or a gut feeling, but I knew without a doubt Baylor had Cerebral Palsy.  After an MRI confirmed that Baylor did indeed have moderate to severe brain damage, I knew our lives would never be the same.  Those spoken, prophetic words were front and center in my heart and mind.  

Here we are about 8 months after the original diagnosis and our precious Baylor is doing wonderful.  He makes strides every single day and his progress has baffled many professionals.  Baylor has beat every odd and he is doing things we didn't think we would see for many more years.  I have no doubt that Baylor will still struggle every single day to do things that others are able to do freely, but I also know he will rise to the challenge.  Everything he does...he does with a supernatural sense of joy.  He never...ever gets discouraged or lets his disability get him down.  He smiles all day long, whether exhausted, behind or even hurting...he continues to smile.  Seriously...he is the happiest little guy ever. 

So with as much progress as Baylor made, I have many different feelings that arise.  Extreme happiness that my little man is doing so well, excitement that Baylor is overcoming the odds, but also some guilt and sadness for the many others who aren't able to overcome their disability as well as Baylor.  

Lately Christian and I have been discussing what exactly God has in store for our story.  We honestly don't believe Baylor is the end to what God wants to do in our family...we strongly believe he is just the beginning...the catalyst that will propel us into further action.  We are seeking God's guidance because we know the knowledge and resources that have been given to us when it comes to cerebral palsy are something that we need to take and use for God's glory.  What does that look like...we aren't really sure.  Does that mean we begin some sort of foundation or group for local families who are walking this up-and-down roller coaster that is CP?  Does that mean we begin a walk or race to raise funds and awareness for this illness?  Does that even mean that one day we adopt another child, perhaps from another country, who otherwise wouldn't have the resources to deal with the disability?  We honestly don't know...but we do know that we have to take steps towards God's ultimate plan for us.  Please pray for us as we research, pray and learn more about where Baylor's incredible story will lead. 

In the meantime of trying to figure out our next steps...we are rejoicing over our sweet man's progress.  He is a fighter in every sense of the word and he amazes us daily with his attitude and determination.  I am so proud to call him mine.  

Love you Baylor are my hero.  

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