Beauty

Lately I have been struggling and battling within myself when it comes to beauty.  I’m going to be honest and share that these past few months I have been extremely down on myself; lacking any sort of confidence or assurance in who I am.  I find myself beating myself up over every little thing…I hate my hair, my teeth are too yellow, my skin looks splotchy, my clothes aren’t fitting right, my skin is freakishly pale…I could go on and on.  I find myself voicing these feelings aloud and I’ve come to the realization that my insecurities and unwholesome thoughts are entering into the ears of my precious Aubrey. Granted she doesn’t really know what I’m saying or understand the words I’m speaking, but soon she will.  What kind of example am I setting for her?  As her mother, I am her main role model; she will look to me as her example of how to feel about herself. 

When I first learned I was pregnant, I honestly thought the Lord would never give me a girl.  Even though I desperately wanted one, I figured because of my struggles and insecurities within myself, He’d never entrust me with a girl...I figured He didn’t think I was ready to handle that responsibility.  I was completely shocked when I discovered we were having Aubrey, as well as challenged to do my very best with the gift that He so graciously gave me. I felt as if the Lord was saying, “it’s okay Ashlee, I trust you…but don’t take this gift lightly.  It’s time to step up and be the Godly woman that Aubrey needs.”

Here I am three months into motherhood with a daughter, and I feel I am failing miserably at setting good examples for her as to how to find peace and satisfaction in myself.  I’m not teaching her that true beauty comes from within and our value can only be found in Christ.  I’m not showing her that who God made me to be is perfect and without flaw.  How can I expect her to have healthy views of beauty if I am refusing to see the truth? 

I know I am not the only one who struggles with this issue.  Both young and old…big and small…short and tall…we all struggle with the desire to feel beautiful.  We long to be desirable. So why do we continue to feed ourselves lies and believe the devil when he says we are not good enough, not pretty enough, or not the picture of beauty?

I think it goes back to the fact that we get into habits of telling ourselves these lies and before long those lies become daily slogans we believe.  It becomes second nature to find dissatisfaction within ourselves and we don’t search for the truth…we let the lies pour from our mouths time and time again without  realizing that the words we speak are poison to ourselves.  We try and scream louder than the voice of our heavenly Father, Who tells us that we are loved, we are beautiful, we are treasured, we are one of a kind.  We turn His words down and instead feast on our own mistaken thoughts. 

I so want Aubrey to have a confidence and satisfaction in who she is.  I want her to have a healthy outlook of herself and her body.  I want her to know that she was created by the Master and she is a masterpiece. I do not want to be a hindrance to her in anyway.  It shakes me to the core to know that my actions and words will have a lasting impact on her.   Our girls today need to know they are worthy of love and that they are designed in His image…making them perfect through Him. 

I write all this because I so desperately want to be the example that I need to be for Aubrey.  I am also realizing that my struggles aren’t going to disappear, in fact I firmly believe that as women, we will struggle with self worth until the day we die.  But we don’t have to lose the battle.  I will fight with all I have against the devil and his disgusting ways.  I wrote this post a while back talking about how big my God is and how capable He is of bringing us out of darkness. 

I need to be held accountable…I have to change my ways and look to Him alone for my security.  He alone is where I can find my peace.  I am declaring His words as my anthem.  I am also making it my mission to pray over Aubrey everyday…Claiming that she will always find victory in knowing who she was made to be.  I encourage you to lift up our young girls, praying desperately for their generation to be free from the bondages that so many young girls are facing today.

This is the verse I am claiming over myself and Aubrey.  I’m going to proclaim it whether or not I’m feeling it or not…cause we all know our feelings are totally unreliable.  We have to cling to truth.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

Our God is greater…our God is stronger…God you are higher than any other.  Let that be the words that flow from our mouths. God…show us how special and valuable we are to You.  Let us never forget that we are exactly who You created us to be.