Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Learning to trust

I hesitated to even write about this because it is such a personal, private matter; however, I know the Lord puts certain circumstances in our path for a reason and I never want to forget that HE is in control. I always want to remember this particular time in our lives and be able to look back and recount HIS goodness and faithfulness.

We recently went to our regular 20 week ultrasound to check on Baby girl's growth and development. It was a normal sonogram and we were told we wouldn't hear from the doctor unless something was wrong.

Well about 3 days later, I get a voicemail from my OB's nurse asking for me to call her back. I instantly knew something was up. I immediately called her office and was put through to her right away.

First thing out of her mouth was, "Now Ashlee, I don't want you to freak out" ...why do they even say that...as if you aren't gonna freak out just by hearing those words!

She proceeded to inform me that after further examination of Aubrey's ultrasound, they discovered some cysts on her brain. At those words, my world came completely out from under me. I didn't even comprehend any of the other words she had to say...all I could hear replaying in my mind were "cysts" and "brain". I was hysterical...I immediately drove to Christian's work and had him meet me outside. I was just beside myself...I somehow managed to get the words out to him and explain what the nurse had said. Christian was extremely calm and comforting to me and helped settle my crying, crazy self down.

I then met my mom at my house and together we called the nurse back and spoke with her again to try and clarify the situation. We also began to do some research on the particular condition that we were told our precious baby had.

I'll admit I was in a daze for about two days...just crying all the time and confused as to why the Lord would allow something to be wrong with our baby...I just didn't understand it.

After many discussions with our OB and through much research, we are discovering that the condition that Aubrey has, is in reality, quite common and will, in Jesus name, correct itself in the womb.

We have to wait 4-6 weeks until we do another sonogram to see if the cysts are gone, if not...we will have to see a specialist.

Just a few weeks ago, I posted about the power of prayer and how I believe the Lord was showing Himself to me in small ways...preparing me for larger things...here are my words from the post just days before my world came crashing down...

God has shown Himself to me through answered prayer in the last few months time and time again. I think He is teaching me a lesson in that when we pray, expecting Him to answer...we see results. I am not saying He always answers in the exact way we wish or hope for...but in the long run I see His answers are always better and more appropriate than anything I could ask for.

Isn't that just like our Lord, to begin to teach us lessons in the small things and prepare our hearts for what is to come?

I firmly believe that the Lord has big plans for our little Aubrey and the very first of which is to teach her parents the importance of putting her life in HIS hands. He gave us this baby, and ultimately, she is His. We are just privileged enough to get to call her ours while on this earth.

My God is a God who is faithful, dependable and trustworthy and I am determined to remain strong in His words through these next few weeks and months. He is teaching Christian and I so much just in this one small circumstance...He is teaching us patience, trust, faith and dependence totally upon Him.

I believe in a few weeks, I'll post again declaring His goodness in healing our precious Aubrey...but if not, and He has other plans...we are okay with that...we will trust His will for our lives and Aubrey's...no matter what.

Christian and I are so incredibly thankful for an amazing family who has gathered around us and lavished us with prayers and love. Nothing means more than knowing loved ones are praying for you in difficult times. I thank the Lord each day for our "darn close" to perfect families!

It is my prayer that in whatever you maybe going through in your life (cause hurt and pain are so much a part of each of our lives) that you will cling to God. Don't do anything but trust in His faithfulness. Hold tight to His goodness and grace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)


  1. praying for you and your sweet baby girl. We know that HE formed all of her innermost parts and that HE knew her before she was even conceived! Praying that you will have peace over these next few weeks while waiting for the next ultrasound and a peace that passes all understanding no matter what the results are!!

  2. I"m so sorry to hear this! I'm joining you in prayer for healing for your baby girl!!!

  3. Sending prayers your way. Just leaving you two Bible verses.....

    I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

    I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

  4. what a fantastic journey ahead --not easy for sure, but full of opportunities for God to show up with a miracle :-) will be praying!!