Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Three Rings of Marriage

The other night, Soon to be hubby and I were watching Jon and Kate plus 8…(if you happen to run into Soon to be Hubby, please do not mention that I admitted he was watching this with me. He would not be happy with me for revealing that tidbit!) Anyway, after the show, on which Jon and Kate reveal that they are separating and moving forward with the divorce process, I turned to soon-to-be hubby and said “how does it happen that a couple goes from being in love, having children, and sharing intimate moments to not speaking, refusing to be in the same room, and having such distain for one another?”

It really got me thinking about marriage, and more specifically, my responsibilities as a wife. I want my hubby to want to be around me. I want him to enjoy coming home to me. I want him to miss me when I am not there. I don’t want home to be a place he dreads coming to, but rather a place of love, laughter and enjoyment. So I asked myself, “How do I provide that kind of environment on a daily, monthly, yearly basis?” I know marriage is not easy. I know there will be times when we will want to pull each other’s hair out. I am not naïve to think it will be all fun and games, all the time. However, I do want to do whatever I can to make our marriage one that is solid, strong and successful.

These last few months of engagement I have made efforts to ask women that I trust and admire, to give me their advice or words of wisdom regarding marriage. So many of these gals have emphasized what major a role that the woman plays in making the marriage successful. I am discovering that my attitude, demeanor and words are so powerful and have such a big impact on the marriage. When I make a conscious effort to be sweet, understanding and patient I can see and feel the difference in the atmosphere almost immediately.

So much advice has been given to me, so I thought I would write down a few of my favorites.

1.) Let the little things go.
2.) Tell jokes, laugh often.
3.) Be open… to compromise, to suggestions, to experiencing new things. A marriage must evolve to survive. (this one in particular is going to be a challenge for me!)
4.) Meet in the middle... Of the conflict…Of the issue…Of the bed.
5.) Cook hearty dinners for your hubby on a regular basis (whew…this one will be hard for me too) (sure hope Soon to be Hubby likes turkey sandwiches!)
6.) Get outside…take walks, play sports, have hobbies.

Oh, and how can I forget the wonderful tip my dear friend gave me…

The three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering!

The joys of marriage are going to be endless! I cannot wait to embark upon this journey with soon-to-be hubby. I hope that when I read over this list in a year or two, I will be able to add my own bits of advice to the list and use it as a reminder to never stop working towards being a better wife and friend to my hubby!


  1. I loved this post! Was shopping at the grocery store the other day and every where I looked, I saw all these magazines about Jon and Kate, how crazy its become. I talked to a couple friends and they pretty much said the same things to keep a marriage going strong.

    Must be weird coming from a stranger but congrats and wish you luck on your marriage. You seem really level headed and really want everything to work out. Its a nice thing to read about, especially nowadays when people take marriage lightly. I'm glad to see your determination and hope, it helps me think that marriage isn't the end of fun and learning.

  2. Ashlee you make me so proud to call you my daughtr in law. I read your blog and know that the Lord has an incredible life for you and my son. I saw it coming with Jon and Kate because she disrespected her husband. I am grieved by the results of their marriage. But praying that they will cry out to the Lord for healing of their marriage. The Bible talks about a woman is to respect the man and the man is to love the woman. Respect for a man is like oxygen, without it he can't survive and love for a women is the same. All else hinges on this one principle. I know that at times it is hard to adhere to this but with God's grace all things are possible.

    I love you very much and appreciate your hungry and desire to be all that the Lord created you to be.

  3. I am so glad you found me!! I found your blog on Facebook and I thought, I'm going to follow her! I am so happy you're about to get married! You look so happy and I look forward to many more posts!!

  4. You're too precious! Kelly does an awesome job! It's no wonder she stays so busy; but the wait for the design is totally worth it!!!

  5. P.S.- I'm adding your blog to my link list!

  6. Aw, i loved this blog! It's so true- you WILL enjoy this marriage. I had the same types of thoughts during our engagement- i just did not want my marriage to be like so many i have seen. I know a large part of it IS women that are disrespectful to their hubby. A good book to read is "The proper care & feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger- haven't read it in ages, but it was good! Funny title:) And also at church they've been doing a "love & respect" thing w/ the young married & it is REALLY good. Anyway- i love your blog & i love the pics!! your marriage will be a great one, i know it! (P.S. i never knew i liked to cook till i was engaged & it turns out i LOVE it! It's not too bad!)

  7. what a great post -- being just a few years on the other side of the wedding ring, the advice your friends have given you is priceless. My hubby and I have grown to LOVE cooking together -- it's something we can do together. If you're interested in simple, easy but healthy recipes, check out my cooking blog for recommendations :)

  8. Thank you! I look forward to keeping up with your blog, if you don't mind! :)